What Would Be Father Christmas KPIs

Who Employees Father Christmas?

Christmas gifts delivered by Father Christmas under a Christmas tree

If Father Christmas was employed by a company (I have always assumed he is self-employed), I wonder what his key performance indicators (KPIs) would be this coming Christmas . So this got me thinking, if Father Christmas / Santa was employed by a company what would be his KPIs.

Most KPI’s seem to be based around 3 main measurements. So what would be Father Christmas’s 3 main responsibilities at Christmas.

So, after serious consideration these would have to be the 3 KPIs. The ones that almost got on the list were the management of the toy factory and the elves, but the three selected I believe are the essential measurements.

1. Replying to Christmas Letters

Now this is a difficult one to measure. So he would have to have a strict criterion to keep to. It would be unreasonable for him to reply to all letters he receives. Clearly he would have to consult the naughty and nice list. Anyone on the naughty list would not be entitled to a letter. Anyone who was over demanding, such as wanting a Pony or Ferrari (whether this is an adult or kid) or a list that is excessively long, would not get a letter. Those though who are polite, not over demanding and on the nice list should get a letter.

2. Eating the Food Left Out

Considering the effort that children and even adults put into ensuring that he gets a great selection of food and drink for, himself and the reindeer needs to be measured. If like our nine year old son, you or your child asks what he would like to eat or drink whilst on a visit to see him before Christmas, then he should eat what is on the plate, come Christmas Eve. The measurement is clearly, he needs to ensure that the reindeer have drunk most if not all milk left out and most, at least eat half a carrot. As for himself, now this is the difficult one. Poor Father Christmas seems to be like us all at Christmas, responsible when it comes to drinking and driving. Not sure though who would pull him over for speeding though. So any indication of drinking sherry, beer or whiskey is fine, even a sip. But apple juice, the glass needs to be dry. Plus a good bite out of a mince pie.

3. 100% Delivery Success and Punctuality

Ever seen the movie, Arthur Christmas, when Father Christmas / Santa accidentally forgets to deliver a present? Well this is not acceptable. Now the main measurement here is to ensure that all stocking presents are filled. Now this is a difficult one to measure in terms of number of presents, but the KPI measurement is simple. It needs to be; stocking at the end of the bed and not to wake anyone up. Now if he decides to deliver the unexpected, like I got one Christmas, an electric nose picker, the Philips Nosetrimmer. That is fine, as long as it does not offend or upset. In addition, delivery under the Christmas tree needs to be neat and tidy and not scattered across the room. Now in my experience the delivery has always been neat and tidy.

If all the above are carried out, I think we would all be in for a great Christmas Day.